Botanical Art -- Week 3 of 5

Mostly struggling and unsatisfying but I know from knowing me that it's okay. I think of mountains to get over or bad times to get through and I know to just keep going and I'll get through it. It will be fine it will turn out okay. I have to plod on. When it's bad times I tell myself that in 1 week/3 months/1 year I'll be through whatever hell I'm in. With painting/drawing I have to tell my internal critic to shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

I worked on this AFTERWARDS. It's on cardboard from the bottom of a box that thermal labels came in at work. I was able to take home a floral arrangement from work and painted this flower. India Ink on a brush, watercolor, and a bit of gouache.

This was also AFTERWARD. Painted over a previous quick drawing (deer at Fort Snelling State Park) which was drawn over a previous quick drawing (husband on couch watching TV). I gesso'd between layers so it's a bit rough but I didn't want to waste a page. You can kind of see the drawing underneath.

What have I learned this week?
1. Stop trying to be perfect. Stop comparing myself to others. Comparing myself to others makes my internal critic very happy. Cyclamen painting was my attempt to be more realistic than what I am used to doing.
2. Slowing down and being patient. Okay, so I don't want to be perfect but I do want to show the shape and essence and have whatever it is be recognizable as whatever it is.
3. I'm happy with the post cyclamen flowers because they feel loose and semi-accurate; they look like how I feel when I'm happy painting.

Why do I do this? I still wonder. Have the lovely people at Wet Paint become my enablers to spending money on art supplies? I really really like them and hope they aren't evil enablers. I tell myself that this is a self-expression thing or a relaxation or unwinding from the day/week. But am I just another old white lady doing watercolor? What happens to all this stuff when I'm dead? I have to pass on the supplies before I'm dead or put in my will for Paige or Jackson at WP to disseminate all my art supplies to an arts organization or class or school that needs supplies. What I've painted that still remains can go in the trash or be painted over by someone else. And for the present I have to give it away if someone says they like it or paint it over and keep using the surface to paint the next thing on. Of course when the apocalypse comes I'll use the paper and wood to use a fuel for fires to cook squirrels or mice or canned SPAM for dinner because we have nothing else to eat.